my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
