Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
