I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
