I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
