yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Randomize
