I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
