is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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