Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
