you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
