I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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