She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
