No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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