jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
