Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
