Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Randomize
