I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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