They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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