this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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