My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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