But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
