i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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