Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
