please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
