I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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