Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
