if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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