i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
