I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Randomize
