ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
