All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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