I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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