You really coming over, don't trick.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
