I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
