there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
