omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
