exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
