She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
