those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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