jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You're like the curious george of whores
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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