My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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