Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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