please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
