You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
