I think im going to throw up on grandma
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
