if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
