i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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