She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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