You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
