Just fell off a train. Bad.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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