He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
