just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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