I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
