i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
