You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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