One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
