"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I cannot find my penis.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
