Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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