I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
