I hate all girls vehemently.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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